GTI Awards 2006 - Progress Report 21

Mr. Biggins says there is a problem with the autocue. 

I said I thought it was a bit late in the day to be telling me this as the big night is now less than a week away and why hadn’t the autocue been checked earlier. 

Mr. Biggins says he’s only just found it stuffed behind the £100 jackpot fruit machine by the ladies toilets so he was unable to check it earlier. Mr. Biggins says that as his autocue is not the same one that we had at last year’s awards ceremony there was no reason to suppose it would be in anything but perfect working order. He says his floor manager has only just told him about the problem. 

I didn’t know he had a floor manager but Mrs. Flagg says he doesn’t really, that’s what he calls his pot man Ezekiel who’s not all there and not always here either. 

Very unreliable Mrs. Flagg says. 

Mr. Biggins says the autocue has been given a good rinse to get rid of the bits of congealed pork pie and the pickled eggs found in the mechanism have been removed and put back in the jar at the end of the bar. It now works perfectly says Mr. Biggins except that it keeps getting stuck after Good evening and welcome to.  

I said that’s exactly what happened at last year’s ceremony and Channel 4 were not happy with the standard of young Mr. Wallace’s miming for Mr. Ross and what do you, Mr. Biggins, intend to do about it? 

It’s too late to get another one says Mr. Biggins so we’ll just have to work round it. 

I could tell Mr. Biggins had noticed an air of panic in me. My voice was increasing in volume and pitch so much so that by the time I had uttered my final words the pitch of my voice was so high it caused old Mrs. Stewart’s Chihuahua to curl up in a ball and fall off the chair much to her and the dog’s surprise. 

Mr. Biggins says he can guarantee the miming this year will be up to scratch as he has young Mr. Wallace and old Mrs. Wickham playing Give Us a Clue in the back room as he speaks and has ordered them not to speak but mime everything between now and the big night and if that doesn’t do it then he’s buggered if he knows what will. 

I don’t think it’s wise to tell Channel 4 of this development, best to hope they don’t notice on the night.